chris's Stew |
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Grandpa sometimes would ramble on and say: Just like a popular line in a 1939 Gulliver's Travels cartoon, There’s a giant on the beach!” but no one would listen. Grandpa used to hang out with some interesting characters; you might say some giants in their field who bought lunch for the little people once a month. Back then, a couple of teenagers used to hang around in twos when he fired the pontoon up to go fishing. They always seemed to stare and stand there when the trailer tongue met the hitch with a thunk! One kid was Accel (He just called him Stan) and the other was pernicious Chris (Chris-py). Both kids were troublemakers and could care less about the law-they got power drunk by a feeling of Liberty while networking with other small town people and people around the world who were looking for work-making money so they had smarty pants most of the time through some sort of outside Intelligence as small townees. They both knew the local Sheriff on a middle name basis which amazingly made them feel Safety for some reason living in our nation who is strong..."America". Both kids would hide and torment the local busy beehive...consulting danger with a stick always harming a little kid named Jordan, a strategic thinker, with a swarm of bees let loose not thinking of those regular people walking by on the sidewalk next to the hive-unaware of the stinging torment those kids let loose on those not in their certain group. Stan "early on" was a computer hacker who used to drive his truck crazy fast in the foothills outside of Kaysville at night with his high-beam on...kept playin' with his lights so much, they stuck on which got him into a lot of trouble when he hit the highway. Stan had a girlfriend whose name was Nancy. Nancy lived at 610 South Blvd. Nancy was just as naughty as Stan-she used to hide all of Stan's fish and give them to Robert after he went fishing. Robert was a neighbor who liked to PAC. I mean he would pack and horde a lot of stuff. Sometimes Robert would PAC so much he would lose track of what he packed. It got real funny when Nancy asked Robert to hide money in one of the fish that Stan caught. Robert was going to hide it in the ear of several stuffed Bears Ears like some sort of monument in his house including cigars in their mouths on Robert's wall but the only easy place Robert could hide the money was in a fish's mouth Robert had hid the day before. Robert was so forgetful that Nancy decided to name the fish "Cody" so Robert would keep track of him. Cody was a great name for the fish because he looked or acted like like pernicious Chris or they would just call him Chris-py [Pronounciation-Translation nickname…Chris-Peed] (I guess you can figure that one out by the smell of his pants if he forgot to wear his special “G” suit while playing in the sky!) Cody after a while eventually smelled like a gold miner in Canada who worked underground for a long time-maybe 'bout two years which meant he smelled like a macnugget Eeuu-ewen pretty bad. One day after Robert found Cody hiding in a chest, as he opened the lid…money just projectile belched out of Cody and shot all across the room. Neither Nancy nor Robert wanted to touch the dirty fish stinkin’ money so they asked Chris to do it and he said, "All right-just this once." Think Chris-peed actually liked taking dirty money out of a fish that way he couldn’t declare it-the smell of it he meant-kinda like a dog rolling in dead fish (just for the smell of it) on the shoreline of a local lake which reminded him of things he used to do like rolling in the mud in Washington D.C. when he lived there as a kid for 13 years. After that, Nancy fired Cody and never hid Stan's fish again! Stan would get so mad, but eventually made up with Nancy because she was good at getting things done-especially things nobody else wanted to do like coordinating random E-filing tax returns with manual over-rides amongst other things hurting people Chris didn’t like. Remember Grandpa used to say “Boys and Girls, yurrr! only one return away from total disaster or criminal prosecution with the wrong certain tax preparer-(oh yeah), those folks would eat u up like lions,” he would say. Scary thought for some regular people not in the bratwurst frat! Nancy would go fishin' often with the boys because she always brought them good luck! They always caught bigger and better fish when Nancy was with them. "Men, always treat your women right and take them fishin' because you'll never know what whopper you could land out on the water, a fisherman always needs an angle, shoot!!! That’s why the call them anglers I think" Grand-pa used to say. Grand-pa said Stan grew up and got real smart and powerful. He studied photon… ics in college and helped develop among other things a real powerful covert inverse free electron microscope or sapphire approach laser, I think, with satellite amplified photo cells, Grandpa said. "Last I heard the government was takin' those gadgets because NaTo liked them so much by using a special code 8Q2J7 and pointing them right at certain people from outer space almost like another name for the eye of a hawk (Special Club only for retired Generals) and takin' their pictures, listening to their rf frequencies of life through people’s cell phones, amongst other things, or I suppose or maybe it just made their brains hamburger," Grandpa always liked hamburger and those who would wear special garments thinking they would be protected then he would chuckle. Grandpa had a funny or fuzzy sense of humor at times. Now Chris on the other hand had a cluster "B" anti-social narcissistic personality disorder most of the time according to his sister. Where were we…oh yeah…total disregard for other people's safety, persistent lying, and considerable irresponsible behavior when it came to certain people. His sister Leslie, who lived in the District of Columbia-a pretty blond whose job was consulting and planning parties for Chris all the time, took the time to do things right paying close attention to the minutest details. If you wanted good party...everyone would hire Leslie...especially when Chris would travel to the District of Columbia selling and helping those certain shoes. Leslie would often network with the locals but she gossiped way too much saying Chris just liked to throw parties so he could brag about his conquests, accomplishments, show off his ego, and flirt with the girls, ETC. Grandpa said, “There were a lot of nice women at those parties though I've been told which contributed to help sell even more shoes.” The gossiping would hurt Chris-peed's feelings, they would argue so much when they met, the people in Leslie's apartment above would complain, but Leslie would always come back as Chris would pay her a lot more each time.
Grandpa said that one time Chris was passing through a small town-think it was 666-oh…on route 66. There was a rally for Jesus, Chris took an anti-acid (just before he gave a talk at a special closed luncheon for Lee, David, and Jerry-remember Sunday’s a comin’) which didn’t set too well on his stomach-the stress made him throw up all over the preacher conducting the after-rally. Well…push came to shove and the preacher and Chris had it out in front of everyone. Chris said don’t you know who I am? The preacher looked into his eyes and said, “You’re the one!” "Well"...Chris said, “I am the one, but not yet!” The preacher said, “What do you mean?” My time will not be fulfilled until they tap me on the shoulder and ask me to be their Top General. “Oh, now I get it! I was told in a dream like Joseph, that a firm but fair ruler would rise up among the ranks of Joseph’s lineage and rule the whole world with peace starting with U.S. public law 87-297 87th Congress H.R. 9118 September 26, 1961 with the arms control agency silently and secretly merging with the U.S. State Department with Secretary Albright. Because peace will be forced on the whole world through a constellation of private satellites emittin’ those scintillus sapphire rays turning everyone’s brain to mush and nobody will be able to fight each other anymore (Because everyone will be at peace who are gradually perniciously exposed to microwaves), also I already have control over money to various internal U. S. departments-store that require the world outside the U.S. to have rfid chips placed on people’s vehicles like India (August 2021 with jail time if they refuse) and Malaysia with “Touch and Go” with his master remote control shoe phone. Grandpa said they already track the people in the U.S. with their driver’s license and credit cards. Yes my remote satellite dish in my mobile home works by a phone call only and I get crystal clear reception but not on my own, I get help from a few good men, young LEO’s Sons of Lewis’ (Sat. dish apprentices) but more importantly, when someone calls for help and says, “1-800…Is there no help for the black widow’s daughter veronica?” I just show up in my black Sikorsky (You have to sell or help lots of shoes just to pay for the gas to get permission!)
It’s funny but when you’d talk to Grandpa sometimes he would think of something and just belt out “JHiiit, (Kinda a laugh to yourself) and belt out a random comment like, “Hey wonder if Kaden enjoys partaking with the herb while fishing like Jim does?” Don’t ask me what that means but I’ll bet Jim knows. Grandpa said, Last time I checked, and not many people know this because it’s a hidden secret but Kaden is on a Federal watch list as a consultant for selling, yes, none other than commercial information from people who own real estate in Utah or local businesses to other business owners. Sometimes that information could be shared with local townsfolk throughout the District (That’s the real reason for re-districting) dependin’ if Chris liked them or not. One of the local business owners said, “Got it legal-now I know what my competition makes and how he files his taxes!” Grandpa said, “Thought that was all private information-guess everything is an open book or meetin’ someone with big pants said, No…it’s the Utah Way!” Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase,”Everyone knows your name,” cheers my brother! As a taxpayer all this should make you mad as a hornets nest but it’s probably easier to bury your head in the sand and forget it all happened. But Sunday’s a comin’, Sunday’s a comin!
Grandpa sometimes would ramble on and say: Just like a popular line in a 1939 Gulliver's Travels cartoon, There’s a giant on the beach!” but no one would listen. Grandpa used to hang out with some interesting characters; you might say some giants in their field who bought lunch for the little people once a month. Back then, a couple of teenagers used to hang around in twos when he fired the pontoon up to go fishing. They always seemed to stare and stand there when the trailer tongue met the hitch with a thunk! One kid was Accel (He just called him Stan) and the other was pernicious Chris (Chris-py). Both kids were troublemakers and could care less about the law-they got power drunk by a feeling of Liberty while networking with other small town people and people around the world who were looking for work-making money so they had smarty pants most of the time through some sort of outside Intelligence as small townees. They both knew the local Sheriff on a middle name basis which amazingly made them feel Safety for some reason living in our nation who is strong..."America". Both kids would hide and torment the local busy beehive...consulting danger with a stick always harming a little kid named Jordan, a strategic thinker, with a swarm of bees let loose not thinking of those regular people walking by on the sidewalk next to the hive-unaware of the stinging torment those kids let loose on those not in their certain group. Stan "early on" was a computer hacker who used to drive his truck crazy fast in the foothills outside of Kaysville at night with his high-beam on...kept playin' with his lights so much, they stuck on which got him into a lot of trouble when he hit the highway. Stan had a girlfriend whose name was Nancy. Nancy lived at 610 South Blvd. Nancy was just as naughty as Stan-she used to hide all of Stan's fish and give them to Robert after he went fishing. Robert was a neighbor who liked to PAC. I mean he would pack and horde a lot of stuff. Sometimes Robert would PAC so much he would lose track of what he packed. It got real funny when Nancy asked Robert to hide money in one of the fish that Stan caught. Robert was going to hide it in the ear of several stuffed Bears Ears like some sort of monument in his house including cigars in their mouths on Robert's wall but the only easy place Robert could hide the money was in a fish's mouth Robert had hid the day before. Robert was so forgetful that Nancy decided to name the fish "Cody" so Robert would keep track of him. Cody was a great name for the fish because he looked or acted like like pernicious Chris or they would just call him Chris-py [Pronounciation-Translation nickname…Chris-Peed] (I guess you can figure that one out by the smell of his pants if he forgot to wear his special “G” suit while playing in the sky!) Cody after a while eventually smelled like a gold miner in Canada who worked underground for a long time-maybe 'bout two years which meant he smelled like a macnugget Eeuu-ewen pretty bad. One day after Robert found Cody hiding in a chest, as he opened the lid…money just projectile belched out of Cody and shot all across the room. Neither Nancy nor Robert wanted to touch the dirty fish stinkin’ money so they asked Chris to do it and he said, "All right-just this once." Think Chris-peed actually liked taking dirty money out of a fish that way he couldn’t declare it-the smell of it he meant-kinda like a dog rolling in dead fish (just for the smell of it) on the shoreline of a local lake which reminded him of things he used to do like rolling in the mud in Washington D.C. when he lived there as a kid for 13 years. After that, Nancy fired Cody and never hid Stan's fish again! Stan would get so mad, but eventually made up with Nancy because she was good at getting things done-especially things nobody else wanted to do like coordinating random E-filing tax returns with manual over-rides amongst other things hurting people Chris didn’t like. Remember Grandpa used to say “Boys and Girls, yurrr! only one return away from total disaster or criminal prosecution with the wrong certain tax preparer-(oh yeah), those folks would eat u up like lions,” he would say. Scary thought for some regular people not in the bratwurst frat! Nancy would go fishin' often with the boys because she always brought them good luck! They always caught bigger and better fish when Nancy was with them. "Men, always treat your women right and take them fishin' because you'll never know what whopper you could land out on the water, a fisherman always needs an angle, shoot!!! That’s why the call them anglers I think" Grand-pa used to say. Grand-pa said Stan grew up and got real smart and powerful. He studied photon… ics in college and helped develop among other things a real powerful covert inverse free electron microscope or sapphire approach laser, I think, with satellite amplified photo cells, Grandpa said. "Last I heard the government was takin' those gadgets because NaTo liked them so much by using a special code 8Q2J7 and pointing them right at certain people from outer space almost like another name for the eye of a hawk (Special Club only for retired Generals) and takin' their pictures, listening to their rf frequencies of life through people’s cell phones, amongst other things, or I suppose or maybe it just made their brains hamburger," Grandpa always liked hamburger and those who would wear special garments thinking they would be protected then he would chuckle. Grandpa had a funny or fuzzy sense of humor at times. Now Chris on the other hand had a cluster "B" anti-social narcissistic personality disorder most of the time according to his sister. Where were we…oh yeah…total disregard for other people's safety, persistent lying, and considerable irresponsible behavior when it came to certain people. His sister Leslie, who lived in the District of Columbia-a pretty blond whose job was consulting and planning parties for Chris all the time, took the time to do things right paying close attention to the minutest details. If you wanted good party...everyone would hire Leslie...especially when Chris would travel to the District of Columbia selling and helping those certain shoes. Leslie would often network with the locals but she gossiped way too much saying Chris just liked to throw parties so he could brag about his conquests, accomplishments, show off his ego, and flirt with the girls, ETC. Grandpa said, “There were a lot of nice women at those parties though I've been told which contributed to help sell even more shoes.” The gossiping would hurt Chris-peed's feelings, they would argue so much when they met, the people in Leslie's apartment above would complain, but Leslie would always come back as Chris would pay her a lot more each time.
Grandpa said that one time Chris was passing through a small town-think it was 666-oh…on route 66. There was a rally for Jesus, Chris took an anti-acid (just before he gave a talk at a special closed luncheon for Lee, David, and Jerry-remember Sunday’s a comin’) which didn’t set too well on his stomach-the stress made him throw up all over the preacher conducting the after-rally. Well…push came to shove and the preacher and Chris had it out in front of everyone. Chris said don’t you know who I am? The preacher looked into his eyes and said, “You’re the one!” "Well"...Chris said, “I am the one, but not yet!” The preacher said, “What do you mean?” My time will not be fulfilled until they tap me on the shoulder and ask me to be their Top General. “Oh, now I get it! I was told in a dream like Joseph, that a firm but fair ruler would rise up among the ranks of Joseph’s lineage and rule the whole world with peace starting with U.S. public law 87-297 87th Congress H.R. 9118 September 26, 1961 with the arms control agency silently and secretly merging with the U.S. State Department with Secretary Albright. Because peace will be forced on the whole world through a constellation of private satellites emittin’ those scintillus sapphire rays turning everyone’s brain to mush and nobody will be able to fight each other anymore (Because everyone will be at peace who are gradually perniciously exposed to microwaves), also I already have control over money to various internal U. S. departments-store that require the world outside the U.S. to have rfid chips placed on people’s vehicles like India (August 2021 with jail time if they refuse) and Malaysia with “Touch and Go” with his master remote control shoe phone. Grandpa said they already track the people in the U.S. with their driver’s license and credit cards. Yes my remote satellite dish in my mobile home works by a phone call only and I get crystal clear reception but not on my own, I get help from a few good men, young LEO’s Sons of Lewis’ (Sat. dish apprentices) but more importantly, when someone calls for help and says, “1-800…Is there no help for the black widow’s daughter veronica?” I just show up in my black Sikorsky (You have to sell or help lots of shoes just to pay for the gas to get permission!)
It’s funny but when you’d talk to Grandpa sometimes he would think of something and just belt out “JHiiit, (Kinda a laugh to yourself) and belt out a random comment like, “Hey wonder if Kaden enjoys partaking with the herb while fishing like Jim does?” Don’t ask me what that means but I’ll bet Jim knows. Grandpa said, Last time I checked, and not many people know this because it’s a hidden secret but Kaden is on a Federal watch list as a consultant for selling, yes, none other than commercial information from people who own real estate in Utah or local businesses to other business owners. Sometimes that information could be shared with local townsfolk throughout the District (That’s the real reason for re-districting) dependin’ if Chris liked them or not. One of the local business owners said, “Got it legal-now I know what my competition makes and how he files his taxes!” Grandpa said, “Thought that was all private information-guess everything is an open book or meetin’ someone with big pants said, No…it’s the Utah Way!” Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase,”Everyone knows your name,” cheers my brother! As a taxpayer all this should make you mad as a hornets nest but it’s probably easier to bury your head in the sand and forget it all happened. But Sunday’s a comin’, Sunday’s a comin!
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